My Angels

Yesterday was hard as I could see the time he missed with you and me.
For the days grow longer and the nights keep adding up
For the days he could have spent with us.

Four years so far, it has been so hard to see the things that he missed.
The things that I could not have resist.

For birthdays come and birthdays go just like any day,
The only thing is I choose to stay.

As I watch my kids grow and bloom there is no way that I could go.
For the price I pay I must stay to see the ones I love be free,
And grow up just like me.

As they grow like weeds so fast and strong I see his face as I move on.
For there is no way I can change the time he missed and all the hugs and kiss.

For I will go and keep moving on and this is a must
For there is no going back just only the history of the past.

One day will come and the horn will blow and my days on earth will no longer show.
My God will be and take care of me just like it was mentioned to be.

With all that I have been through, and all the pain I know,
At least I know it's all mine, But I will still shine.

Grow strong and trust. Give of yourself like you would want to be given to.
Love with your all, and your all will be your love!

This might be the hard road, but with the knowledge and the morals that you know,
You TWO will also glow!!

Make a difference in this world, and stand up for your rights,
Make sure you have the information you need before you start your fight.

I will be here no matter what but we all know
Sometimes that's not how it goes.

So FOR now, it is day by day and bridge by bridge.
A sweet kiss and an I LOVE YOU every single night,
With a Hug that tells you, "You are never out of my sight!"

Love,
Mom


Melissa A. Hall
Started 5.28.2011 Finished today 6.28.2011

What am I looking for?

What the hell is wrong with me,
that I can not see what is right in front of me?


Looking on the outside, and searching from within,
and all that I have left of me is writing with this pen.


As the days fly by and all I do is cry,
all they do is see, that what is really just not me.


When my knees hit the floor and I can't take anymore,
I will pick myself up and go for one more.


One more day will come and go and only my blessings I will show.
For no one really really cares what lies beneath my only stares.


I have looked for a long long time,
to find what is looking back at me with my own eyes.


When I look, I see a little girl staring at me.


With no love to give and a cold heart to hide,
so no one will ever see on the other side.


An Angel some say, in a most Devilish way.
A toxic blend I will pay.


For this is me and I can not change
because that is all I see looking back at me.


Who knows what the future will hold, only my master I have showed.
What truly lies in me, Only my master can he see.


He guides me through my days and my penance is what I'll pay.


FOR I  CAN NOT SEE...WHAT IS LOOKING BACK AT ME.




Melissa A. Hall
06.16.2011

The Lessons

The lessons I've learned from heartbreak to heatbreak,
Will keep my heart closed so no one can see my face.

Lovers will come and lovers will go,
But no one will ever take what I have already let go.

I have given away what I already have,
And with nothing... comes nothing.

I have nothing left ever,
But what I thought was lonely was just never.

What is gone, is gone and will never come my way,
A "Blessing" is what I say.

It is better to love and leave with everything in tack,
Then to buy into a lie behind every ones back.

Some say close enough to start a war,
I don't let anyone close enough to even knock on the door.

For the key is all bent and broken inside,
Only the key master can fix the lock, if he wanted to try.

For I am who I am and can't be anymore.
And for the key master, I kicked his ass to the floor.

I use to look inside my life and see what needed to be,
But the only thing I was missing, was the picture of me.

Please take your nothing,
While I find my something.
Show me how it ends.

I'm a survivor of life at least for now,
With my wings spread I will fly,
And leave everyone else to stagnate and die .

There is a darkness inside of me,
That know one knows and no one will see.

I'm a career woman with good days and bad.
A mother who does not want to miss a thing.
Or the world to hear my scream.

I'm such a simple girl,
My troubles have come and gone, and more shall I see.
But they to will pass and the light will shine through the trees.

Dreaming is all I know but not easily.
I'm damaged, I'm scared, and I'm all alone
I just want to shut the door and open my mind,
But I'm afraid of what I will find.

I will probably find myself and I don't disagree,
I don't regret what this life has made of me.

As long as it leaves me alive.

Melissa A. Hall
05 25 2011

And So My Story Goes

Sometimes life is not what you make of it,
But what it makes of you.

If the mountains are so high,
You will climb until you get to the top.

If the waves are so cold and hard,
You will swim until you fine pleasure in them.

If the road seems rough and wrong,
You will change your path until it is smooth and clear.

If the loneliness is overwhelming,
You close your eyes and dream.

My mountains, waves, roads, and loneliness are not what I made of them,
But what they have made of me.

If the punishment for the crime is to much,
You live life day by day until your time is served.

My words have never rang so loud
"If I'm going to do it by myself,
Then I'm going to do it ALL by myself"

And so my story goes,
And my curse carries on...

"Are you sure this is who you want to be?"
Was the question that was asked.

With a shake of my head the words just fled
"I am, Who, this world has made me"


So, yes
Sometimes life is not what you make of it,
But what it makes of you!

Melissa A. Hall
05/08/2011

I don't care right now

I don't know why I got lost waiting for you to come around.
The myself I am, is myself, and that's all I am.

I lost myself, and you can't find yours,
but the waste of the dash is not worth being a part of my past.

When I think of wasting my time waiting for you to come around,
The dash in my life was no where to be found.

All alone my heart I listen and only a beat would be consistent.
I'm not strong and I'm to blame that the silence is all pain.

The time with you and in your presence, my heart skipped a beat,
And I could tell I was lifted right off my feet.

No space underneath, just floating on air.
That is why right now I just don't care.

Long or short the time we spent, it does not matter, life is what it is and we aren't the master.
It was not all or nothing I wanted from you, it was some time in the middle, sometimes just for two.

I'm starting another story just for me, and keeping it so close no one can see.
Life is like this , and that's the way it is.

You get what you give and you deal with the end.

Melissa A. Hall
04.04.2011

A Lonely Anniversary 2011

It has been three years today and I don't think it gets any better.  This day will always be the day I will hide from the world and I hope the world will hide from me.  I wrote this two years ago on the one year anniversary of my late husbands death.  Married 21 wonderful years.  Gone, but never forgotten.  

RIP Steven Thomas Hall. Loved by One, and Loved by all. 

A Lonely Anniversary

The time is coming soon for me to re-live the tragedy I have hidden deep in my soul.

This year the roads have all been mountains so high I could not see my way.

The sun not as bright or hot as it was before , and the winter even colder.

The pictures I had for my future are scattered with blood.

The things I thought would be hard were easy, but the things I thought easy..to hard to handle.

The smiling faces of the old family portraits I can’t even put on the wall.

My head cries why, while my heart knows not to ask.

The days have been longer this year, it is the nights that keep me awake.

The dreams I don’t want to have and the memories I can’t forget.

I look at my children and see his face, the man that took my heart so many years ago, and wonder where he went.

I alone will be at this anniversary

Only Me

Only Myself

Only I

Melissa Hall

01/2009

RIP Steve  I will always love and miss you!

The back of the headstone.

Front of headstone.

My two wonderful children.

When Time Turns

The past has come and gone, And a new day is on the horizon.
The horizon is way beyond the reach of my arm and The concepts of my thoughts.
The road is also beyond the strength I have to carry this burden.

The strength I have is making it hard to breath,
And the breaths I take feel like there are no possibilities.
The no possibilities are so much beyond my reach, but yet I have no choice.

It is one day at a time, or no days in my mind.

02.22.2011
~Melissa Hall~~

Photographer: Melissa A. Hall

Mobile, Alabama 2011

Peace Out

They say,
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, A tender look which becomes a habit."

I add,

No communication=

"The tender look becomes a harsh resentment, And the act of endless forgiveness is just a burning fire trapped inside ready to blow."

And I say Peace Out!

Melissa Hall
12/04/2010

Leave Me

I have used you to hold me up, I have used you for pleasure, and for pain.
I have used you to escape, To loose myself, or Maybe it was to find myself.

I have been here before. No answers to questions, and no possible way to find out.
I am so trying to find myself.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.

The summers are all different now.
Nothing to loose,  It's all lost, and Everything to gain, It's all new.

I'm lost in the days of list, and needs, to do's, and wants.
All that matters is I still can't find myself.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.

"Leave me, Let me go if you don't love me." It's a little to late.
You will hurt me, with the words you did say and the actions you did take.

I have always been there for you from the start, but for some reason now,
I feel like I stole it and left my heart.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.


The music in my head has come and gone. With no release it just stays bottled up.
But with that bottle, I must stay. For there is no room in and no way out.

When I start to hear the music and I see my way out,
The wind will stop blowing, My tears will stop flowing, and My breath will disapear.

See, I see a simple side of me.
Just look into my eyes and see my smile and.....................

Leave me.

11/15/2010
Melissa Hall

Only Life Can Change Me

Only life can change me, for Good or Bad, It was not my choice to be the Mom and the Dad.

I could call anybody, but I have nobody, Wanna fight me on that?

Then when ya hear the Ring, Ring?  Pick up da phone MF cuz it's a friend on da line, Go Ahead, Hit Decline.

Cuz da friends that say they R there, really really don't care.

The point I'm making and your really not taking is the choices I've made I must have been mistaking. 

Because the world out there really don't care.

It's not like when you were growing up.

"Don't talk about sex and hide all da rest."

Don't work in these days and times.

You got freaks on the street that wont miss a beat cause they R,,  triflennnn' and just want a piece.

It's now different you see the world can be Cold and Hard. Our kids learn from others when it should have been their mothers.

Not mine you say. I'll tell them straight up, The decisions you make, You better hesitate, Because it always effects your fate!

I'm trying to be a good mother you C but you ditch-in on me is bringing me downnn.

Melissa Hall

08/14/2010

My Road Is Different Now

The trees are greener and the flowers more beautiful. 

The fragrance of the world I hold in the palm of  my hand.

The birds that sing to me, whisper of happy endings, and the sun that lights my way.

The wonders of the world that will always be there for me, to carry me away. 

The places I go, The people that I see,
The things I do, And the wants that I need.

The things I will accomplish, and the things that will pass me by.
I will never know, to understand why.

The people I will loose and the people that will come and go.
Will never be the road that I remembered not so long ago.

The road has a different view for me.
The choices I have, will change with the seasons of my year, or
like the tide changes the ocean currents and the waves.
These are the choices that will help guide me on my way.

We all have wonders that are ours, and ours alone, to share if we choose and hide if we want.
It is the road we take, and the path we make, that changes the choices we have for our own fate.

As the road moves and the path changes.
We must embrace the fact that time will pass us by and we will not know why.

So take a deep breath and enjoy the hear and the now.

Because the path we thought we took,
now has a different look.





Melissa A. Hall
07\25\2010

Russell Gilder: Photography

I just recently had the opportunity to work with a wonderful Artist, Photographer, and Designer.  These are just a few he did for me.  There is so much more on his website, you need to check it out.  All of his contact information is on the site and he is wonderful to work with.  Not only do you have the eye of the photographer, but the mind of an artist.  Amazing work! 

Thank you Russ for this wonderful opportunity.

Check out his link:

Russ Gilder Photographer Extraordinaire

Thank you again Russ, Can't wait till next time!

My Childhood Dream Car

Yeah, this is my dream car from middle school.  I have always wanted an old Buick Skylark.  I drove up to meet my parents to get Austin back from spring break and I pulled up right next to it.  I have not seen one of these in so, so many years.  I swear I almost, if you know what I mean. 
The owner of the car was in the truck stop and saw my face when I saw it, she came out and told me her story.  Funny kinda, She had an old truck and this old man wanted an old truck instead of this car.  "The trucks bottom was going to fall out" she said, he said "he wanted the truck, equal trade."  EQUAL TRADE.  REALLY?

Anyway, when I was totally blown away with that, (wondering were was this little old man when I had an old truck and never used it.) She completed her story with "My boyfriend is going to get out of jail in about two months and he told me, "what ever I do, don't get rid of the car".
There is no moral to this story, but this woman lucked out with this car, and depending on what her boyfriend is in jail for and what kind of person he is. (I mean I did not ask, did not want to be there that long) I think I would take the car and leave.
Just saying..

Back to the car, it is and I can't even remember the year she said I was in such AWE! The seats have this metal button in the seats, they were all there. Also this car came with a pillow.  Yes, not only do you get the car, but you get a pillow to rest your tired head.  It was in there as well.  Along with the original stereo (that worked) radio knobs, and cigarette lighter.  It is amazing.  The car for this year only came with one side view mirror, if you look back at the 1st pic, the passenger side mirror was optional, it cost more to have one on both sides.

Well That is that, Dream come and gone.  Enjoyed the moment though! 

Melissa Hall

04/27/2010

Forever my heart alone will be.

Once upon a time, In a fairy tale along time ago,
And that is were that ended.
Be strong now, because things will get better,
It might be stormy now but, it can not rain forever.

The things I can change I will do my best,
For I am only human just like the rest.
The things I can not, No Worries for me,
For those are the "wants" that will never be.

How do you know when it is truly love?
When your heart skips a beat,
And the words you want to say just seem to walk away.
How do you know when it is time to say good bye?
When it is all about the other,
And the shimmer has no color.

The air that surrounds me suffocates me with rage,
My heart is there, so dark and broken, it can only be caged.

Looking back I realize,
I was never ever meant to stay,
But what hurts the most is that you wanted it that way.

Life is a constant change.
The rocks it throws,
The storms it blows,
And the smile on a face of someone you know.

With a blink of an eye.
The storms stop blowing,
And the face stops glowing.
Forever my heart alone will be,
I have no doubt, This Is What I See.

The path I'm walking,
I must walk alone.

Forever my heart alone will be, I have no doubt, This Is What I See.


Melissa Hall
04\20\2010

Cheers To You My Friend

I don't want to go home, because I don't want to be alone.
This pain I feel inside is just something I can't hide.
For when I hide and stay alone, my friends all say something wrong.
I have no heart, this "Walking Angel" you say... is just broken anyway.

There is no, "yes or no", just only "I can't go".
For some reason I can't understand, you just don't want to take my hand.
And walk along the path we see and only be You and Me.

So, Take Care, My Good Friend, And Maybe Someday We Will Meet Again.

Please know and never forget the love I have for you I will Never regret.
I will carry it always in my heart,
Starting today, for "that" reason we must part.

Cheers

Written by,
Melissa A. Hall
04\10\2010

Art Work by: Tara McPherson

When I think of my future,

I think of Brianna’s wedding, Will I be the one that gives her away?
I think of Austin Growing up as “The man” in the house, As a 8 year old little boy.
I think about the Dances, the Soccer games, and all the other activities that I will be the only one to look on with joy and pride!
When I look in the mirror, I think “You are all alone, and you are ALL responsible.”
I find pain and pleasure in that thought.
The pain comes from the unanswered questions still lingering in my head.
The pleasure comes from knowing I do the best I can one day at a time, and it is all mine.
I think for my future I will not let fear lead me, I will make my choices the best I can and not look back.
For regret lives within your soul and eats it’s way from the inside out, if you let it.
But to realize we are all individuals, Human, so you may say, we will make both the wrong and right choices.
So I will hold my head up high, know I did the best I could and would not change a thing, because the past unlike the future made me who I am today.

When I think of my future…. I think I will cross that path when I get there.

For it does not matter how fast or what is there, But that I am who I am when I arrive.


Melissa Hall
05/22/09

So When is Enough, Enough?

Is it when you get to the place were the hills that you have been climbing seem straight, But you know there will always be hills along the path.

Is it when the storm stops blowing you around and around and all that is left is a small shower with the sun shinning through first, before you see the rainbow.

Is it when you realize the baby you brought into this world is not the one you thought, but becomes much more with your guidance.

Is it when you realize that some of the decisions you made were the right ones!, but yet still question the ones you don’t know.

Is it when you can finally sleep alone and feel safe with in your own world, but realize you feel safer with someone else beside you.

Is it when you finally hear the music with in your own heart and learn to dance with it, regardless of the fact that you might be the only one who ever hears it.

Is it when you realize that the life you had will be no more!, But the life you make can always be better because of the lessons you have already learned.


So When is Enough, Enough?


Melissa Hall
04/08/09

Painfully Beautiful

When you look at me,
A smile is all you see.

A genuine smile,
And a kind heart underneath.

But When you look at me, and the smile is all you see,
Question yourself about what is really underneath.

The pain is there, it comes and goes,
Almost like the wind when it starts to blow.

The hurricane is coming, I don’t know when.
All I have felt so far are small storms and wind.

The time is coming and it will not be long,
Just a gut feeling that is so so strong.

The pain is so strong you could not understand,
But with God’s grace, I WILL STAND.

The painfully beautiful smile that you see,
Will always be,


Just ME.


Melissa Hall
02/2009

A lonley Anniversary

The time is coming soon for me to re-live the tragedy I have hidden deep in my soul.

This year the roads have all been mountains so high I could not see my way.

The sun not as bright or hot as it was before , and the winter even colder.

The pictures I had for my future are scattered with blood.

The things I thought would be hard were easy, but the things I thought easy..to hard to handle.

The smiling faces of the old family portraits I can’t even put on the wall.

My head cries why, while my heart knows not to ask.

The days have been longer this year, it is the nights that keep me awake.

The dreams I don’t want to have and the memories I can’t forget.

I look at my children and see his face, the man that took my heart so many years ago, and wonder where he went.

I alone will be at this anniversary

Only Me
Only Myself
Only I

Melissa Hall
01/2009


RIP Steve  I will always love and miss you!

Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL ?

As I walk through my days I FEEL like I’m the lady in the tissue commercial.

Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL

For me it is more like Touch touch, Touch touch, Touch, but when it comes to FEEL, I find that part missing.

I miss the FEEL of a warm hand down my neck, down my arms, down my back.

I miss the FEEL of someone I can always go to with anything, and just because they can’t fix it, I know they would.

I miss the warm FEEL of a body around me as I sleep, consuming me as I wake.

As I walk through my days I see friends and acquaintances FEEL one another, and not question the moment, just embrace it. I see it come easy for some and not at all for others, and I question why this is.

Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL?

Melissa Hall
01/2009