Dear Night

Dear Night,

Be giving, So I get enough to wake rested.
Be patient, So I can fall asleep before the morning light.
Be quiet, So only my music can I hear.
Be soft, As a blanket and hold me tight.
As I drift off to sleep,

Thank You and Good Night,

Melissa Pantall Hall
11.15.2011

Friends

Friends
    Written by Melissa Pantall Hall

With every sense of your being,
The breath in your lungs, and the taste on your tounge.
The sound of the train, and the wet from the rain.
The feeling of cold, and once again it's not old.
The smell of fresh air, and the flower blooming out there.
The sight of a friend, and the sweet touch of sin.
It all comes again, with only a friend.

10.25.2011

The Pain

The Pain
  Written by Melissa Pantall Hall


I forgot how much pain can consume a person.
How much a person would do just to make the pain go away. 
Does it actually go away or does it heal in time? 
Does pushing it away make pain stronger and last longer and longer? 
Can you hide from pain, or turn it off?
It would be nice if you could. 
Turn it off, and not grow colder, more bitter, and worn. 
Push through it, only to find that it is stronger than before. 
Pain, 
A feeling a person must face and a lesson a person must take. 
If only to be happy inside and live life only to find pain once more. 
Pain will not be easier this time, 
At least in my mind.


11.15.2011

Am I Here To Stay?

I don’t know what my future holds,

Or goals that I should win.

I don’t know where I’m going,

And I don’t remember where I’ve been.

I’m lost in distractions,

Life so I’m told.

I can’t dream about the future,

Today consumes my soul.

My future seems so impossible,

My dreams so out of control.

I’m lost in my own footsteps,

And my heart was put on hold.

No one can tell me different,

Because each is to his own.

The very thought of companionship,

Is always far too gone.

So for what I’m supposed to do in this life,

I don’t really know what it is.

The trees are overgrown with strife,

And I feel more and more like a kid.

So please don’t tell me what to do,

My mind doesn’t work that way.

The greener fields will come and go,

But I am here to stay.

Melissa A. Hall

02.01.2012 

As You Wish

I always tell my mind,
One day at a time.
Once or twice it listens to me.

Thoughts that come and go,
Between days, weeks, months and years they flow.
Like a tidal wave crashing down on me.

The feeling I long for,
Like never before.
Someone close, but not so close.

I tried again,
This time with a friend.
One more short story down.

Feeling of emptiness,
Consumes my chest.
With a deep breath of relief.

I push away,
So no one will stay.
That is the objective I see.

I don't know how to hold on,
Only to be strong.
I keep my wings tucked away.

A little hint of sadness is all I confess,
The other is just pure recklessness.
So on with my days...

They are lonely sometimes,
At least they are all mine.
Some regrets, but not to many.

I guess it is the time of year,
Everyone full of cheer.
I will partake in some.

Chats with old loves never wanting to move on,
The feeling is oh so gone.
Came quickly one night.

As fast as they came,
It all turned to blame.
Again...

Maybe in my mind,
There is still time.
To move on without a blink.

My eyes are tired now,
My tears they flow,
Never under control.
For me that's ok.

At home alone I can be,
The one that on one will ever see.

As you wish



Melissa A. Hall
11.30.2011

The Storm That Is Me

Running for miles and I still can't stop the storm.

The storm that is me,

And it has been for all my history. 

I tend to question more and more all the decisions and all that I think.

The way I live my life and the goals that I seek.

I thought I knew what I wanted, but in life and with life things change.

What I thought was a big deal was actually not at all real.

What happen to the truth and the morals that you were told.

I have found in this world all of this has been sold.

Sold to Easy Street, Drugs, Booze and Gold.

And I wonder sometimes “Where the Hell did you sell your soul?”

I will hold fast to the things that I have learned in my life,

For this will be my legacy when I return from my flight.

The thing one remembers about folks in their life,

Is who made a difference and who put out the light.

As bright as I will shine for you,

Two lights I have put out,

No intentions did I bring, 

Or harm did I mean.

But what I have learned in this Cruel Life of mine,

As happy as I am,

There are evil people that are just in it for their plan.

I will hold fast to the things that I have learned in my life,

For this will be my legacy when I return from my flight

Melissa Hall

10.21.2011

Lightning Strikes Me

I'm going walking in the rain
I hear the thunder, and I see the lightning.
I am going walking in the rain.

Day after day and play after play.
Is today the day I win or loose?
As if I even have the right to choose.

Look at me and a smile you will see, but not in my eye.
The pain and hurt is all in the mirror looking back at me.

The Mirror...

The one that tells your true lies, you know the ones you try to hide.
The one you look into hoping for a change and all you see is nothing but the same.

I can not see what is waiting for me,
Nor do I care to know.

Because I'm afraid to say I would die if I knew,
What the strength is, I am growing into.

Today my friend is the start to an end,
And every day in between.

It's the mornings I see as I crawl off my knees,
And Thank God for the blessings that will be.

For I am still in my path of Present and Past,
And the future is not mine to see.

With this promise I can say,
Only my music, This pen, and Me,
Can truly take me to where I can see.

I'm going walking in the rain

I hear the thunder, and I see the lightning.

I am going walking in the rain.

Melissa A. Hall

07/06/2011

My Angels

Yesterday was hard as I could see the time he missed with you and me.
For the days grow longer and the nights keep adding up
For the days he could have spent with us.

Four years so far, it has been so hard to see the things that he missed.
The things that I could not have resist.

For birthdays come and birthdays go just like any day,
The only thing is I choose to stay.

As I watch my kids grow and bloom there is no way that I could go.
For the price I pay I must stay to see the ones I love be free,
And grow up just like me.

As they grow like weeds so fast and strong I see his face as I move on.
For there is no way I can change the time he missed and all the hugs and kiss.

For I will go and keep moving on and this is a must
For there is no going back just only the history of the past.

One day will come and the horn will blow and my days on earth will no longer show.
My God will be and take care of me just like it was mentioned to be.

With all that I have been through, and all the pain I know,
At least I know it's all mine, But I will still shine.

Grow strong and trust. Give of yourself like you would want to be given to.
Love with your all, and your all will be your love!

This might be the hard road, but with the knowledge and the morals that you know,
You TWO will also glow!!

Make a difference in this world, and stand up for your rights,
Make sure you have the information you need before you start your fight.

I will be here no matter what but we all know
Sometimes that's not how it goes.

So FOR now, it is day by day and bridge by bridge.
A sweet kiss and an I LOVE YOU every single night,
With a Hug that tells you, "You are never out of my sight!"

Love,
Mom


Melissa A. Hall
Started 5.28.2011 Finished today 6.28.2011

What am I looking for?

What the hell is wrong with me,
that I can not see what is right in front of me?


Looking on the outside, and searching from within,
and all that I have left of me is writing with this pen.


As the days fly by and all I do is cry,
all they do is see, that what is really just not me.


When my knees hit the floor and I can't take anymore,
I will pick myself up and go for one more.


One more day will come and go and only my blessings I will show.
For no one really really cares what lies beneath my only stares.


I have looked for a long long time,
to find what is looking back at me with my own eyes.


When I look, I see a little girl staring at me.


With no love to give and a cold heart to hide,
so no one will ever see on the other side.


An Angel some say, in a most Devilish way.
A toxic blend I will pay.


For this is me and I can not change
because that is all I see looking back at me.


Who knows what the future will hold, only my master I have showed.
What truly lies in me, Only my master can he see.


He guides me through my days and my penance is what I'll pay.


FOR I  CAN NOT SEE...WHAT IS LOOKING BACK AT ME.




Melissa A. Hall
06.16.2011

The Lessons

The lessons I've learned from heartbreak to heatbreak,
Will keep my heart closed so no one can see my face.

Lovers will come and lovers will go,
But no one will ever take what I have already let go.

I have given away what I already have,
And with nothing... comes nothing.

I have nothing left ever,
But what I thought was lonely was just never.

What is gone, is gone and will never come my way,
A "Blessing" is what I say.

It is better to love and leave with everything in tack,
Then to buy into a lie behind every ones back.

Some say close enough to start a war,
I don't let anyone close enough to even knock on the door.

For the key is all bent and broken inside,
Only the key master can fix the lock, if he wanted to try.

For I am who I am and can't be anymore.
And for the key master, I kicked his ass to the floor.

I use to look inside my life and see what needed to be,
But the only thing I was missing, was the picture of me.

Please take your nothing,
While I find my something.
Show me how it ends.

I'm a survivor of life at least for now,
With my wings spread I will fly,
And leave everyone else to stagnate and die .

There is a darkness inside of me,
That know one knows and no one will see.

I'm a career woman with good days and bad.
A mother who does not want to miss a thing.
Or the world to hear my scream.

I'm such a simple girl,
My troubles have come and gone, and more shall I see.
But they to will pass and the light will shine through the trees.

Dreaming is all I know but not easily.
I'm damaged, I'm scared, and I'm all alone
I just want to shut the door and open my mind,
But I'm afraid of what I will find.

I will probably find myself and I don't disagree,
I don't regret what this life has made of me.

As long as it leaves me alive.

Melissa A. Hall
05 25 2011

And So My Story Goes

Sometimes life is not what you make of it,
But what it makes of you.

If the mountains are so high,
You will climb until you get to the top.

If the waves are so cold and hard,
You will swim until you fine pleasure in them.

If the road seems rough and wrong,
You will change your path until it is smooth and clear.

If the loneliness is overwhelming,
You close your eyes and dream.

My mountains, waves, roads, and loneliness are not what I made of them,
But what they have made of me.

If the punishment for the crime is to much,
You live life day by day until your time is served.

My words have never rang so loud
"If I'm going to do it by myself,
Then I'm going to do it ALL by myself"

And so my story goes,
And my curse carries on...

"Are you sure this is who you want to be?"
Was the question that was asked.

With a shake of my head the words just fled
"I am, Who, this world has made me"


So, yes
Sometimes life is not what you make of it,
But what it makes of you!

Melissa A. Hall
05/08/2011

I don't care right now

I don't know why I got lost waiting for you to come around.
The myself I am, is myself, and that's all I am.

I lost myself, and you can't find yours,
but the waste of the dash is not worth being a part of my past.

When I think of wasting my time waiting for you to come around,
The dash in my life was no where to be found.

All alone my heart I listen and only a beat would be consistent.
I'm not strong and I'm to blame that the silence is all pain.

The time with you and in your presence, my heart skipped a beat,
And I could tell I was lifted right off my feet.

No space underneath, just floating on air.
That is why right now I just don't care.

Long or short the time we spent, it does not matter, life is what it is and we aren't the master.
It was not all or nothing I wanted from you, it was some time in the middle, sometimes just for two.

I'm starting another story just for me, and keeping it so close no one can see.
Life is like this , and that's the way it is.

You get what you give and you deal with the end.

Melissa A. Hall
04.04.2011

A Lonely Anniversary 2011

It has been three years today and I don't think it gets any better.  This day will always be the day I will hide from the world and I hope the world will hide from me.  I wrote this two years ago on the one year anniversary of my late husbands death.  Married 21 wonderful years.  Gone, but never forgotten.  

RIP Steven Thomas Hall. Loved by One, and Loved by all. 

A Lonely Anniversary

The time is coming soon for me to re-live the tragedy I have hidden deep in my soul.

This year the roads have all been mountains so high I could not see my way.

The sun not as bright or hot as it was before , and the winter even colder.

The pictures I had for my future are scattered with blood.

The things I thought would be hard were easy, but the things I thought easy..to hard to handle.

The smiling faces of the old family portraits I can’t even put on the wall.

My head cries why, while my heart knows not to ask.

The days have been longer this year, it is the nights that keep me awake.

The dreams I don’t want to have and the memories I can’t forget.

I look at my children and see his face, the man that took my heart so many years ago, and wonder where he went.

I alone will be at this anniversary

Only Me

Only Myself

Only I

Melissa Hall

01/2009

RIP Steve  I will always love and miss you!

The back of the headstone.

Front of headstone.

My two wonderful children.

When Time Turns

The past has come and gone, And a new day is on the horizon.
The horizon is way beyond the reach of my arm and The concepts of my thoughts.
The road is also beyond the strength I have to carry this burden.

The strength I have is making it hard to breath,
And the breaths I take feel like there are no possibilities.
The no possibilities are so much beyond my reach, but yet I have no choice.

It is one day at a time, or no days in my mind.

02.22.2011
~Melissa Hall~~

Photographer: Melissa A. Hall

Mobile, Alabama 2011

Peace Out

They say,
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, A tender look which becomes a habit."

I add,

No communication=

"The tender look becomes a harsh resentment, And the act of endless forgiveness is just a burning fire trapped inside ready to blow."

And I say Peace Out!

Melissa Hall
12/04/2010

Leave Me

I have used you to hold me up, I have used you for pleasure, and for pain.
I have used you to escape, To loose myself, or Maybe it was to find myself.

I have been here before. No answers to questions, and no possible way to find out.
I am so trying to find myself.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.

The summers are all different now.
Nothing to loose,  It's all lost, and Everything to gain, It's all new.

I'm lost in the days of list, and needs, to do's, and wants.
All that matters is I still can't find myself.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.

"Leave me, Let me go if you don't love me." It's a little to late.
You will hurt me, with the words you did say and the actions you did take.

I have always been there for you from the start, but for some reason now,
I feel like I stole it and left my heart.

I wish my heart did not hurt so,. So I could just forget you and let go.
I wish you would call just one more time and say "I miss you, will you be mine",
so I could lie and say what I should have said the first time.


The music in my head has come and gone. With no release it just stays bottled up.
But with that bottle, I must stay. For there is no room in and no way out.

When I start to hear the music and I see my way out,
The wind will stop blowing, My tears will stop flowing, and My breath will disapear.

See, I see a simple side of me.
Just look into my eyes and see my smile and.....................

Leave me.

11/15/2010
Melissa Hall

Only Life Can Change Me

Only life can change me, for Good or Bad, It was not my choice to be the Mom and the Dad.

I could call anybody, but I have nobody, Wanna fight me on that?

Then when ya hear the Ring, Ring?  Pick up da phone MF cuz it's a friend on da line, Go Ahead, Hit Decline.

Cuz da friends that say they R there, really really don't care.

The point I'm making and your really not taking is the choices I've made I must have been mistaking. 

Because the world out there really don't care.

It's not like when you were growing up.

"Don't talk about sex and hide all da rest."

Don't work in these days and times.

You got freaks on the street that wont miss a beat cause they R,,  triflennnn' and just want a piece.

It's now different you see the world can be Cold and Hard. Our kids learn from others when it should have been their mothers.

Not mine you say. I'll tell them straight up, The decisions you make, You better hesitate, Because it always effects your fate!

I'm trying to be a good mother you C but you ditch-in on me is bringing me downnn.

Melissa Hall

08/14/2010

My Road Is Different Now

The trees are greener and the flowers more beautiful. 

The fragrance of the world I hold in the palm of  my hand.

The birds that sing to me, whisper of happy endings, and the sun that lights my way.

The wonders of the world that will always be there for me, to carry me away. 

The places I go, The people that I see,
The things I do, And the wants that I need.

The things I will accomplish, and the things that will pass me by.
I will never know, to understand why.

The people I will loose and the people that will come and go.
Will never be the road that I remembered not so long ago.

The road has a different view for me.
The choices I have, will change with the seasons of my year, or
like the tide changes the ocean currents and the waves.
These are the choices that will help guide me on my way.

We all have wonders that are ours, and ours alone, to share if we choose and hide if we want.
It is the road we take, and the path we make, that changes the choices we have for our own fate.

As the road moves and the path changes.
We must embrace the fact that time will pass us by and we will not know why.

So take a deep breath and enjoy the hear and the now.

Because the path we thought we took,
now has a different look.





Melissa A. Hall
07\25\2010

Russell Gilder: Photography

I just recently had the opportunity to work with a wonderful Artist, Photographer, and Designer.  These are just a few he did for me.  There is so much more on his website, you need to check it out.  All of his contact information is on the site and he is wonderful to work with.  Not only do you have the eye of the photographer, but the mind of an artist.  Amazing work! 

Thank you Russ for this wonderful opportunity.

Check out his link:

Russ Gilder Photographer Extraordinaire

Thank you again Russ, Can't wait till next time!

My Childhood Dream Car

Yeah, this is my dream car from middle school.  I have always wanted an old Buick Skylark.  I drove up to meet my parents to get Austin back from spring break and I pulled up right next to it.  I have not seen one of these in so, so many years.  I swear I almost, if you know what I mean. 
The owner of the car was in the truck stop and saw my face when I saw it, she came out and told me her story.  Funny kinda, She had an old truck and this old man wanted an old truck instead of this car.  "The trucks bottom was going to fall out" she said, he said "he wanted the truck, equal trade."  EQUAL TRADE.  REALLY?

Anyway, when I was totally blown away with that, (wondering were was this little old man when I had an old truck and never used it.) She completed her story with "My boyfriend is going to get out of jail in about two months and he told me, "what ever I do, don't get rid of the car".
There is no moral to this story, but this woman lucked out with this car, and depending on what her boyfriend is in jail for and what kind of person he is. (I mean I did not ask, did not want to be there that long) I think I would take the car and leave.
Just saying..

Back to the car, it is and I can't even remember the year she said I was in such AWE! The seats have this metal button in the seats, they were all there. Also this car came with a pillow.  Yes, not only do you get the car, but you get a pillow to rest your tired head.  It was in there as well.  Along with the original stereo (that worked) radio knobs, and cigarette lighter.  It is amazing.  The car for this year only came with one side view mirror, if you look back at the 1st pic, the passenger side mirror was optional, it cost more to have one on both sides.

Well That is that, Dream come and gone.  Enjoyed the moment though! 

Melissa Hall

04/27/2010