When you look at me,
A smile is all you see.
A genuine smile,
And a kind heart underneath.
But When you look at me, and the smile is all you see,
Question yourself about what is really underneath.
The pain is there, it comes and goes,
Almost like the wind when it starts to blow.
The hurricane is coming, I don’t know when.
All I have felt so far are small storms and wind.
The time is coming and it will not be long,
Just a gut feeling that is so so strong.
The pain is so strong you could not understand,
But with God’s grace, I WILL STAND.
The painfully beautiful smile that you see,
Will always be,
Just ME.
Melissa Hall
02/2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
A lonley Anniversary
The time is coming soon for me to re-live the tragedy I have hidden deep in my soul.
This year the roads have all been mountains so high I could not see my way.
The sun not as bright or hot as it was before , and the winter even colder.
The pictures I had for my future are scattered with blood.
The things I thought would be hard were easy, but the things I thought easy..to hard to handle.
The smiling faces of the old family portraits I can’t even put on the wall.
My head cries why, while my heart knows not to ask.
The days have been longer this year, it is the nights that keep me awake.
The dreams I don’t want to have and the memories I can’t forget.
I look at my children and see his face, the man that took my heart so many years ago, and wonder where he went.
I alone will be at this anniversary
Only Me
Only Myself
Only I
Melissa Hall
01/2009
RIP Steve I will always love and miss you!
This year the roads have all been mountains so high I could not see my way.
The sun not as bright or hot as it was before , and the winter even colder.
The pictures I had for my future are scattered with blood.
The things I thought would be hard were easy, but the things I thought easy..to hard to handle.
The smiling faces of the old family portraits I can’t even put on the wall.
My head cries why, while my heart knows not to ask.
The days have been longer this year, it is the nights that keep me awake.
The dreams I don’t want to have and the memories I can’t forget.
I look at my children and see his face, the man that took my heart so many years ago, and wonder where he went.
I alone will be at this anniversary
Only Me
Only Myself
Only I
Melissa Hall
01/2009
RIP Steve I will always love and miss you!
Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL ?
As I walk through my days I FEEL like I’m the lady in the tissue commercial.
Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL
For me it is more like Touch touch, Touch touch, Touch, but when it comes to FEEL, I find that part missing.
I miss the FEEL of a warm hand down my neck, down my arms, down my back.
I miss the FEEL of someone I can always go to with anything, and just because they can’t fix it, I know they would.
I miss the warm FEEL of a body around me as I sleep, consuming me as I wake.
As I walk through my days I see friends and acquaintances FEEL one another, and not question the moment, just embrace it. I see it come easy for some and not at all for others, and I question why this is.
Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL?
Melissa Hall
01/2009
Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL
For me it is more like Touch touch, Touch touch, Touch, but when it comes to FEEL, I find that part missing.
I miss the FEEL of a warm hand down my neck, down my arms, down my back.
I miss the FEEL of someone I can always go to with anything, and just because they can’t fix it, I know they would.
I miss the warm FEEL of a body around me as I sleep, consuming me as I wake.
As I walk through my days I see friends and acquaintances FEEL one another, and not question the moment, just embrace it. I see it come easy for some and not at all for others, and I question why this is.
Touch, Touch, Touch, FEEL?
Melissa Hall
01/2009
I had a DREAM last night
I don’t think I dream and if I do I never remember them. This one stood out like someone was saying “Hey you, I’m talking to you. Are you listening?, Can you hear me?”
The dream started and it was if I was like a ghost, a mind reader. I could hear what my family and friends said and thought about me.
Strong, Good head on her shoulder, Loving to everyone, Beautiful, Kind, Great mom, Hard worker, Just has her shit together.
But I traveled away and I looked in the mirror and I did not see what they thought, what they see.
Imperfections in myself, Week, Angry, Lost, Wondering “Who are you“, Helpless, Searching for myself.
But again I traveled away. I thought about what I felt, Not about what people think, or what I see in the mirror, but how I feel about myself.
Blessed, Loved, Missed, I feel strong some days, but not others. I feel I’m a great mom, but know I will make mistakes. I really would give more than I have if I could. I can’t please everyone, but my family comes first.
THEN I WOKE UP.
I got up, got the kids up to get ready for school, clothes were already laid out, coffee was already dripping down stairs, I could smell it. Life is great.
I kept thinking about the dream and why do I have to remember one so emotional, so upsetting. I mean at first I felt as if I were at my funeral, then I wondered why when I look in the mirror do I see what I see. That is not me.
I finally realized the last of the DREAM is all I need, the rest does not matter.Who cares what people think, my family and friends are the ones who count. They know me for me, the good and the bad. What I see in the mirror are just my insecurities, and feelings that come and go. It is called life.
The most important part about the dream is that it is the one that let me know I am ALIVE.
I can feel good about living each day to the fullest and smelling the roses along the way. To enjoy each moment as if it will never happen again. I can feel good about staying in PJ’s all day watching movies with the kids, knowing I have so much to do, as stupid as it sounds, to dance like no one is watching. Let the music play, While I let my heart sing, Until the moment I take my last breath. And I can do this because I know you only live once so I will not take the free ride in my life.
I will live it to the fullest, be thankful for the blessing that are given to me and let everything else fall into place.
…… So why then am I having this DREAM…
Melissa Hall
01/2009
The dream started and it was if I was like a ghost, a mind reader. I could hear what my family and friends said and thought about me.
Strong, Good head on her shoulder, Loving to everyone, Beautiful, Kind, Great mom, Hard worker, Just has her shit together.
But I traveled away and I looked in the mirror and I did not see what they thought, what they see.
Imperfections in myself, Week, Angry, Lost, Wondering “Who are you“, Helpless, Searching for myself.
But again I traveled away. I thought about what I felt, Not about what people think, or what I see in the mirror, but how I feel about myself.
Blessed, Loved, Missed, I feel strong some days, but not others. I feel I’m a great mom, but know I will make mistakes. I really would give more than I have if I could. I can’t please everyone, but my family comes first.
THEN I WOKE UP.
I got up, got the kids up to get ready for school, clothes were already laid out, coffee was already dripping down stairs, I could smell it. Life is great.
I kept thinking about the dream and why do I have to remember one so emotional, so upsetting. I mean at first I felt as if I were at my funeral, then I wondered why when I look in the mirror do I see what I see. That is not me.
I finally realized the last of the DREAM is all I need, the rest does not matter.Who cares what people think, my family and friends are the ones who count. They know me for me, the good and the bad. What I see in the mirror are just my insecurities, and feelings that come and go. It is called life.
The most important part about the dream is that it is the one that let me know I am ALIVE.
I can feel good about living each day to the fullest and smelling the roses along the way. To enjoy each moment as if it will never happen again. I can feel good about staying in PJ’s all day watching movies with the kids, knowing I have so much to do, as stupid as it sounds, to dance like no one is watching. Let the music play, While I let my heart sing, Until the moment I take my last breath. And I can do this because I know you only live once so I will not take the free ride in my life.
I will live it to the fullest, be thankful for the blessing that are given to me and let everything else fall into place.
…… So why then am I having this DREAM…
Melissa Hall
01/2009
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